College has given me plenty to think about over the last year. One of the most recurring themes I’ve noticed is the quest for self-discovery.
I’ve listened to students talk about the struggle to figure out who they are. I’ve written multiple reflections on how different assignments or experiences impacted me. I’ve presented a self-portrait of myself to a class as a class assignment.
College, I've been told, is a time for “discovering your true self.”
The interesting part is that I already know who I am. (I'll come back to that thought.)
What has been truly eye-opening to me, however, is how many people don't know who they are.
I see an athlete, a passionate student, an activist, a hard worker. But those same students say that they are still trying to figure out who they really are.
Why is it so hard for some people to discover themselves, yet I knew who I was even before I stepped foot on campus?
I am not somehow smarter or more intuitive than others. I have the same human struggles and deal with the same feelings of insecurity as everyone else.
But I have a solid rock beneath my feet on which to stand.
Please do not stop here because you think that is an oversimplification. It actually took quite the process for me to find my full identity in my Savior.
For a while, several definitions of who I was competed for prominence in my life. “Musician.” “Christian.” “Writer.” “Teacher.” I knew that what Jesus had done in my life mattered greatly, but I felt more valuable if I could add my own skills or accomplishments to the mix.
The mindset was subtle, but powerful. The more I tried to be worthy in my own strength, the more insignificant and unsure I felt. People might have looked at me and seen a confident, accomplished young woman - and, to a degree, that was accurate. But beneath the surface was a growing uncertainty of both who I was and how I should navigate the world into which I was stepping.
That was when God told me to surrender. I had good plans in place (plans that, by the way, seemed both spiritual and Biblical by the modern conservative Christian movement.) It took me a little while to obey my dear, trustworthy Father, but I finally surrendered.
I laid myself down. I walked away from all my plans. As I did so, I found that my plans represented who I was. In practically applying surrender to my life as my Father was asking, I was surrendering my very identity.
At first, I felt undefined.
Who was I? If God did not want me to identify as “successful,” “vocalist,” or “student,” how was I supposed to view myself?
The beauty of Christian identity is that you find yourself not by searching out who you are but by seeking out who Jesus is.
Yes, you heard correctly. Forget yourself (Matt. 16:24). Lay yourself down. Seek Jesus (Matt. 6:33), and Jesus alone.
I found a Shepherd (John 10:11). He told me I am His precious sheep, for whom He would leave an entire flock of sheep to find (Matt. 18:11-14).
I found a Savior and Redeemer (1 John 4:14, Gal. 3:13). He told me I am His redeemed (Isa. 63:9), worth every moment of sacrifice.
I found a Heavenly Bridegroom (Isa. 54:5). He told me I am His spotless Bride (Song of Songs 4:7).
I found perfect Beauty, Holiness, and Righteousness in one Man. He told me He had set His beauty and perfection upon me (Isa. 61:10).
I found Joy, Peace that passes understanding, Love I cannot produce, and Hope I did not know existed. He told me I am His vessel (2 Cor. 4;7,2 Tim. 2:20-21), and He is filling me with the fruit of His Spirit (Phil. 1:11).
I found my identity - I am the Beloved of God (1 John 3:2, 1 Thess. 1:4).
But my precious Jesus did not stop there. He has, in His own timing and much better way, brought many of the things I had surrendered back into my life. I surrendered them honestly thinking that I would never have them again. But Jesus just did not want them to have me!
As I continue to seek an identity that rests solely on the merits of my Savior, I am free to explore my talents. They are indeed a part of my life, but they no longer define who I am. And, if Jesus once again asks, I am ready to lay it all down for the joy of following my King.
That is why, as I look around me at the college scene, I understand when other students wonder who they truly are. “Look within, find your true self,” academia tells them.
I wish I could tell them.
You are valuable - not because of your talent, but because of your Creator.
You are:
- Desired. God longs for you (Isa. 44:22, Eze. 33:11).
- Priceless. God paid His own Life for you (1 Pet. 1:18-20).
- Unique. God knows every individual detail about you (Psa. 139:14-18, Matt. 10:29-31).
You can define yourself on your own terms. But you will never know who you are until you allow the One who made you to shape you into the wonderful human being He created you to be.
I wanted to stop here… but too many messages stop short of full truth. The ultimate reason we cannot find who we are is that we are estranged from our Creator (Heb. 9:6-8). And there is one more piece of identity that only He can help us recognize… sin.
Only when our eyes are opened to His purity, His complete goodness, His rock-solid truth, His majesty, His mercy, His uncompromising judgment, His unconditional love, His unearthly holiness - oh, only when our eyes are opened to Him, the “I Am!” - can we ever see our own sinfulness (Isa. 6:3-5).
Each of us must confront the reality of our identity - sinful, condemned, without hope (Luke 5:8, John 3:18, Eph. 2:12). Only then can we become who we were meant to be - spotless, redeemed, full of eternal hope (Eph. 5:27, Rev. 5:9, Rom. 5:1-2).
College will not tell you what I have written in this post. They're too afraid of offending you. But how tragic it would be for you to live your whole life and never discover who you are… and who you can be.
